Being a grieving Mom on Mother’s Day

I’ve learned a couple of things regarding dealing with grief on Mother’s Day this year.

This was my first Mother’s Day I celebrated without our baby girl. Last Mother’s Day, I was almost 5 months pregnant, and I was recognized by many of my friends and family members as a Mother. 

This year seemed to be a little different.

I had very few (I could count them on two hands) friends and family members say, Happy Mother’s Day to me. Yes, I’m a grieving Mom on Mother’s Day.

Do these other people now acknowledge me as a mother anymore?

Are they uncomfortable saying Happy Mother’s Day because they aren’t sure how I will react?

These are two very tricky questions, and we don’t know until we tell someone.

So, unfortunately, this may be a tricky subject, but we have to tell them what we want on this day.

1. We can make it known by sending them a quick message. “ Hey, tomorrow is Mother’s day, and I would like to let you know where my feelings may lie with this Holiday, so you know how to support me.”
2. Send them articles ahead of time to educate them on how you may feel on Mother’s Day this year. “Managing Mother’s Day after Pregnancy Loss”
3. If you only feel comfortable speaking to one person, ask them if they can inform your other close family members and friends about how you may feel.
4. Be honest with them. Do you want them to say Happy Mother’s Day, or are you not comfortable with hearing it?

How can we really prepare ourselves mentally for the following year?

1. Allow ourselves to grieve. Wake up and let it all out! If you need to cry, scream or journal, DO IT!

 I realized that by suppressing my feelings and trying to be too strong made me deny how I was really feeling, and I eventually broke down.

2. Affirmation sessions – “I am enough,” “I am worthy,” “I am a mother,” and “I am strong,” I asked my husband to remind me of these things throughout the day because I will forget how amazing of a woman I am.

3. Morning meditation – setting your intentions for the day. Taking deep breaths, exhaling the negativity.

4. Have a support group chat with other moms you may know in your same situation so you can vent throughout the day.

5. Meet with your therapist the day before to mentally prepare you. 

I spent most of my time at the beach on Mother’s day. Away from the crowd, just me and the ocean (and some stingrays I’ve never seen in person before). To ground myself.

Next year I will advocate for myself, and I will inform my close family members of how I feel and what I expect so we’re all on the same page. I want to be honored as a Mother.